Update

Today is Friday.  Sorry kids, it has been busy lately.  I will write more when I get things together.  Awesome wishes to you all!

Not Exactly a Traffic Jam

I am digging the stat section of the Blogger website. I decided to see my all time traffic patterns for the website. It looks like a mountain! Check it out!

Yup it goes way up in August and then tapers off. Way to go readers! So I need to know how to bring in some new clientele. I have posed on Facebook and I think that is when I got my initial push of people, but with Facebook's frequent edits and they deciding on who gets to see which update, I am afraid my posts are only being read by a couple of people in Kentucky. Neither of whom are, in fact, my friends. Anyway, I digress, and I am extremely distracted. Hey, did you know if you put in a "Control I" on paint it does not turn on your italics, but inverts the colors. Like this:

Anyway, I think it is because I haven't posted anything in a while. What do you think?

Back to the Future Week

So, I do have to confess, I am a super geek. This week marks the 25th anniversary of the Back to the Future events. (The movie came out in July 1985) Today I am watching all three BTTF movies. I am currently in the middle of the second movie and I wonder how we will get all of the things they have in the movie in less than five years.

First of all, flying cars and hoverboards. I am still waiting for this one and even if I am eighty years old, I will ride a hoverboard when they come out.

Mr. Fusion home energy system. Garbage into energy. Super cool. Plus, no emissions, saves the environment.

Fingerprint currency. Everything will be linked to a bank and you will just "thumb" a hundred dollars. The only problem I see with that is, oh, I don't know, people chopping off other people's thumbs to get their money.

Dehydrated meals and a rehydrator made by Black and Decker. Can you imagine your food storage with this?

Magical books that contain fifty years of sports stats that only take up about 200 pages. Oh, wait, that's the internet.

Cool glowy sidewalk lights.

Fax machines in every room of your house.

Power laces

Power jacket

Oh, and time travel.

Why did our scientists slack off?

One good thing, we have fifteen "Jaws" movies coming out in the next five years!

I Think it's Racism, Maybe

So being a teacher has its benefits. You get to stay on top of what is cool. No, I will still not listen to My Chemical Romance, or Mychemicalromance and the kids say it. But I know they exist. I was aware of a mopy vampire loving chick at least a year before the movie came out. This week I learned that if you eat Japanese food then you are a dolphin killer. I don't know how that works, but a poor girl in my class is being mocked as a dolphin killer because she likes sushi. She is taking it well, but still. Kids can be so cruel, but then so can I. After I heard about this I made this picture my computer desktop walpaper:

How fun is that? I do like the nom nom nom part. You know, the sound you make when you do eat a dolphin. Well, that's about it. I don't think a baby dolphin dies every time you eat Japanese food, but they do die when you use bad grammar.

$1.28!

I looked at my stats today. Wow, I'm international, a few looks on the page from Canada. One from the Netherlands. Cool. I looked at my ad stuff and I make $1.28 so far on this thing. Not bad for doing hardly nothing. Now, to be clear This is not an invitation to click on the ads . If it interests you, please click on it, otherwise, do what I do and ignore them. This is just pointing out that people like what I had to say. Now, I am hoping that you don't get all scared away now that the blog is not about my ever growing belly. I am hoping to steal wife's camera and take some pictures that I have been meaning to take. I have great ideas for this blog. Now I just have to get off my butt and do them.

That said, I have to get off my butt and go to work. Bah!

Life Spinning Out of Control

Let me start off by saying that I am an English teacher. It is my job to know some grammar things. How is it that I missed the memo that said, "you no longer need the second space after a period"? Seriously, I found out about this today on another blog and I am not happy about it. There seems to be an internet conspiricy against the extra space too because when I tried it out on Facebook, they took out the extra spaces. Took them right out, like I was wrong, and it has been doing it all along without my concent or knowledge. Anger. I'm pretty sure this site does it too, but I'm too busy focusing on not rocking in a corner in the fetal position sucking on my thumb to try an experiment.

Why does Facebook or any website decide that the two space rule is the one it is going to enforce? If the internets are going to start enforcing grammar, why this rule that not every style guide agrees upon (one space for MLA, but two for APA)? Why doesn't Facebook start spell checking, or doing the automatic capitalization of the first word of the sentence or the word I, for that matter? No, we will get rid of the extra space, that is really bugging us. Meanwhile the next sentence doesn't matter a whole heck of a lot because it doesn't start with a capital letter. Facebook is fine with that, but not the extra space. Anger. Despair.

The thing that gets me is, everyone seemed to know about it but me. Was it like, "hey let's change the rules of grammar, but not tell Mike about it." then everyone can laugh at me? Seriously, who does this? I think there is some little lazy grammar geek that decided that they were too busy to type an extra space.

Don't give me that stupid typerwriter-has-the-same-space-size-and-computers-can-distinguish-and-adjust-and-make-letters-smaller-if-needed crap. Why did it need changed if it was working so well? Stupid lazy grammar geeks, that's who. I'm just angry. I should have went to teach math.

Update: Apparently Blogger has a crusade against paragraphs. I have spent the last 10 minutes trying to fix it so there is some space, or indentation for each paragraph. Nope, one jumbled mess. I hate the internets.

A Change of Content

I have been thinking about it and I am going to change the things I put on here. I need a release of creativity. I think I am going to change this to a journal of random things. Thoughts I have, ideas to bounce off people, some snarky content, basic randomness that may help me maintain my sanity. So gone are they days of moaning about my weight (found a cool website that has been helping fitday.com or something like that) and here are the days of tomfoolery. Now if image uploads will get themselves abled I might be able to upload a picture to celebrate. Either way, I am going to spend the next hour or so trying to make the page more me. Word up!

Clues That I Should Have Noticed

Going back to the whole self image and guys not seeing themselves as fat, here is a list of things that should have tipped me off to my weight. Yes, these all happened to me.

You tear out of a pair of pants...twice.

You break a chair

You break not one, but two toilet seats. (By break I mean cracked in the middle so it pinches your butt)

You have to pay two extra dollars for clothing.

Your have to tie your tie so the skinny end does not make it to the loop so the big end can climb the mountain of your gut and land by your belt.

Your braided belt has stretch marks where you plug it in.

The guy who you thought was fat at work donates clothes to you because he has lost a ton of weight due to sickness, and they are too small for you.

You weigh as much as Homer Simpson...when he tried to get fatter for a disability.

You wonder if you're not really bald but your hair just can't fit around your head.

You have to be selective about where you sit because you know some chairs would collapse under the pressure.

You break a sweat doing silly things, like looking for library books.

You analyze the Food Network.

You think the Hungry Man dinners are a good appetizer.

You don't dare jump on a trampoline because you know you will just hit the ground in the middle of the tramp.

Your camp chair keeps sitting you lower and lower.

Your camp chair gives up the ghost and is now a camp mat.

Half of the clothes in your closet don't fit you, but you keep them because you know they will some day.

You don't wear dress shirts because you feel sorry for the bottom buttons.

Nothing at Target fits you.

You have to special order clothes from Old Navy.

You're afraid to roll over and kiss your wife because she might suffocate.

Your kids come up to you and push your fat up to get your attention.

Yet through all of this, I still haven't thought, maybe I should lose some weight. Please laugh at me. It's time all this sinks in.

The Ads

I know, the ads can be annoying, but I decided to put them on to make a few dollars if this blog ever takes off. Either way, they are there so you know.